what am i suppose to say when im all choked up and youre all okay
literally falling to pieces.
im trying so hard not to be show my disappointment, but when as soon as those words came out of your mouth, my heart shattered into smithereens.
maybe i dont mean to you as much as before, or maybe i never held the number one spot.
sometimes i replay the words that i wanted to say to you, over and over a million times in my head but somehow i just couldnt get it out. i guess i just feel terrified. terrified of history repeating itself.
if i ever told you how i felt again, it would just end up in a heated argument and you would get so mad at me that you feel that you cant stand another moment of being with me together anymore. because i would simply come across as saying you again. but what im trying to do, is to simply get my feelings across to you.
but i have no idea how to do it. letters that i wrote got crushed and shredded into a million pieces. i never have the guts to do it because im afraid.
just have to suppress everything, not expect anything, let everything be.
time and time, i still have not learnt my lessons.
i expect something from you because i have high hopes of you, and i know youre capable of doing it. because you showed me that you were capable of doing it before we were together or when we just got together.i didnt say you change because you stopped acting the way i expected you to be. because you were capable of it, it led to expectations of you from me.
or maybe im just wrong to expect anything lest you said i forced you to do anything, like those cards. maybe im a horrible and selfish person who doesnt deserve you as much as someone else who might be in the future.
i cant do it, i cant just let everything go and give whatever we have up. let alone visioning you with someone else in future.
but im so tired of suppressing everything that i dont know what to do anymore.
inside, i feel so broken and torn up.
im trying so hard not to be show my disappointment, but when as soon as those words came out of your mouth, my heart shattered into smithereens.
maybe i dont mean to you as much as before, or maybe i never held the number one spot.
sometimes i replay the words that i wanted to say to you, over and over a million times in my head but somehow i just couldnt get it out. i guess i just feel terrified. terrified of history repeating itself.
if i ever told you how i felt again, it would just end up in a heated argument and you would get so mad at me that you feel that you cant stand another moment of being with me together anymore. because i would simply come across as saying you again. but what im trying to do, is to simply get my feelings across to you.
but i have no idea how to do it. letters that i wrote got crushed and shredded into a million pieces. i never have the guts to do it because im afraid.
just have to suppress everything, not expect anything, let everything be.
time and time, i still have not learnt my lessons.
i expect something from you because i have high hopes of you, and i know youre capable of doing it. because you showed me that you were capable of doing it before we were together or when we just got together.i didnt say you change because you stopped acting the way i expected you to be. because you were capable of it, it led to expectations of you from me.
or maybe im just wrong to expect anything lest you said i forced you to do anything, like those cards. maybe im a horrible and selfish person who doesnt deserve you as much as someone else who might be in the future.
i cant do it, i cant just let everything go and give whatever we have up. let alone visioning you with someone else in future.
but im so tired of suppressing everything that i dont know what to do anymore.
inside, i feel so broken and torn up.
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